Pictured: Leti Ribeiro, who runs a successful BJJ female academy, Shelby York (center), and a random viral image of a female competitor competing in IBJJF non-compliant gear.
Women face unique challenges that often drive them away from the sport of BJJ. A recent conversation featuring blue belt instructor Shelby York on FightingMatters podcast shed light on the toxic environments that cause women to quit jiu-jitsu.
York, who teaches at Rough Hands BJJ, highlighted how the problem extends beyond just sexual harassment to include microaggressions, belittling, and gaslighting that create unwelcoming spaces for female practitioners.
“There is a lot of microaggression. There’s a lot of belittling. There’s a lot of gaslighting,” York explained when describing the treatment of women in martial arts.
These subtle behaviors create a cumulative effect that can be just as damaging as more overt forms of harassment.
One specific incident York discussed involved a female jiu-jitsu practitioner who posted a training video online only to have a coach from Florida leave explicit comments about her body rather than addressing her technique. When the woman brought attention to this inappropriate behavior in a private women’s grappling network, some female practitioners from the coach’s gym defended him, saying “he didn’t mean it like that.”
“This is why this gets to keep happening,” York pointed out, highlighting how these “microaggressions” are often dismissed or minimized, allowing toxic behavior to continue unchecked.
As a female instructor, York has faced direct discrimination herself. She recounted being told during her first Krav Maga instructor training:
“You’re never going to run a room because no one’s ever going to take a 5ft tall female seriously as an instructor and be willing to learn from you.”
A significant issue York identified is the tendency of some male instructors to view their female students as a dating pool. This predatory behavior drives women away from gyms where they don’t feel safe.
“Now you’re losing money ‘cuz you’re too scared to tell your tool bag that wants to hit on everyone that’s pretty to knock it off,” York bluntly stated.
York emphasized that creating a welcoming environment for women doesn’t require special treatment but rather basic respect and safety.
“Just treat them like you would if they were a dude coming in. Talk to them just like you were talking to the dudes in the room. Just keep being normal.”
At Rough Hands BJJ, York and her partner Jesse Walker have established firm boundaries:
“You don’t where you eat. We don’t make our teammates uncomfortable. This is not a sucking and loving gym. You’re here to grapple. This is not your dating pool.”
This approach has yielded results – their gym maintains a 50/50 gender split, a rarity in the jiu-jitsu world where women typically represent a much smaller percentage of practitioners.
York encourages women to stand up for themselves when uncomfortable situations arise.
“Every time you let a man make you uncomfortable and don’t say anything about it, that’s you telling yourself and him that his comfortability is more important than yours,” she advises.
For gym owners wanting to create more inclusive environments, York‘s message is clear: establish and enforce boundaries around appropriate behavior, intervene when necessary, and create a culture where everyone feels safe to be vulnerable – physically and emotionally.
As York puts it, “You have to feel safe to be willing to be uncomfortable.”
