*pictured Amanda Ribas and bodybuilder Julio Balestrin
A 27-year-old female practitioner recently went viral after opening up about challenges of integrating BJJ into her life. Her journey on the mats has unexpectedly revealed tensions in her personal life.
“I’ve been training at a nationally ranked gym for a few months now,” she explains. “I finally got over the whole ‘I’m too old to start’ mindset and signed up for a trial class. The gym is full of incredible athletes, with clean facilities, exceptional coaches, and a supportive community.”
Training five days a week at 6 AM, she has committed fully to the sport, planning to compete within the year while experiencing significant improvements in her overall health and well-being.
However, her 26-year-old boyfriend’s initial support has transformed into something more problematic as her dedication to the sport became evident.
“In the beginning, he thought it was ‘cool’ that I was trying something new,” she shares. “But a few weeks in, his attitude completely changed. I think he didn’t expect me to actually stick with it.”
The situation escalated when her boyfriend proposed an unusual challenge, offering a substantial financial reward if she could submit him in a grappling match, despite having no martial arts training himself.
“He couldn’t tell you the difference between a kimura and a chimichanga,” she says, referring to a common BJJ shoulder lock technique. “But he’s become obsessed with ‘proving’ he can beat me, like it’s some kind of competition and not just my new hobby.”
The recreational grappler emphasizes that her motivation for learning BJJ was never about physical dominance but personal growth and self-challenge.
“I just wanted to grow, learn something new, and push myself,” she explains.
This scenario highlights a struggle many women face when entering traditionally male-dominated sports – navigating how their newfound physical capabilities affect their personal relationships.
Several BJJ practitioners with experience in similar situations have advised her to consider whether this dynamic indicates deeper relationship issues. One black belt warned that such behavior could manifest in other areas of life, potentially undermining her achievements beyond just BJJ.
“A healthy partnership should celebrate your growth, not feel threatened by it,” advised another experienced practitioner. “When you compete in your first tournament, you want someone who celebrates your success as their own.”
The position of women in BJJ have been increasingly under scrutiny in light of the ongoing Jay Rod ban. At the same time several women are trying to raise concerns about challenges and micro aggressions they’ve experienced in BJJ. Ffion Davies and Adele Fornarino have opened up about sexism and micro aggressions in BJJ and one purple belt even detailed a troubling story of getting kicked out of the gym after a coach behaved inappropriately with her when she was a teenager.
