A Brazilian jiu-jitsu student has taken to Reddit after a tense text exchange with his coach left him feeling pressured and guilted over a perfectly reasonable membership decision, and the BJJ community online is largely taking his side.
The student, who goes by Kris posted the conversation to explaining he felt bullied/guilted by coach after his coach responded poorly to him canceling his membership for a month due to a busy schedule. Kris trains eight out of every twelve months at the gym and pays around $130 a month during those active months, with a $150 reinstatement fee each time he rejoins after a break. By his own account, he has been a member for three years.
The trouble started when Kris reached out to let his coach know he needed to step away temporarily. The coach’s response set the tone quickly.
“You are obviously missing something, Kris, it doesn’t work like that. And it is beyond disrespectful, just to clarify. You are either a member or you are not a member.”
Kris appeared genuinely confused, explaining that he had canceled memberships before when going on extended trips and had no idea this was considered problematic.
“I thought the flexibility was okay, like you pay when you can go. Again, not trying to be malicious or anything.”
Rather than clarifying the gym’s policy calmly, the coach launched into an extended personal monologue about his own sacrifices over the years. He described training for 17 years at $150 a month, continuing to pay dues through an injury that left him out for a year with a broken neck, training through 2021 and making 100-mile daily trips to his academy. He also noted that he paid his instructor even after being told he didn’t need to because he was teaching at the school.
“I paid dearly for my education.”
He then compared Kris’s situation to a teacher getting paid less every time a student went on vacation and closed with the line:
“It is the martial way.”
The coach also insisted the conversation had nothing to do with money.
“I promise you, this is not about money. It’s about principle.”
He went on to say that (presumably the co-owner) and he
“charge enough to pay our staff and the rent”
and
“hardly take a paycheck ourselves.”
Kris remained measured and polite throughout, even offering to come by the gym on Thursday to discuss the situation in person. The coach’s reply was short:
“I’m around anytime. There’s really nothing to chat about though. Now you know.”
After posting the exchange, the responses came flooding in, and they were overwhelmingly critical of the coach’s approach.
“Find a new gym. That person is a douche.”
Another responded:
“S**tty communication and guilt-tripping. Leave.”
One gym owner who commented said he thought the whole situation was out of line, both as a business decision and as a matter of basic human decency.
Another brown belt wrote:
“There’s not a single gym in my area that wouldn’t allow you to cancel and then resign with a small fee, or in many cases no fee. Yes, it’s harder on the gyms, but that’s our problem, not yours.”
The coach’s repeated use of the phrase
“imagine if everyone did that”
drew particular ridicule.
One commenter replied:
“But can you imagine if every gym owner was like this?”
Another noted:
“What he’s saying wasn’t valid, that’s some culty stuff.”
Several commenters pointed out that the membership setup being described is far from standard in the sport.
“I’ve been a member at three different gyms and have never signed a one-year contract. That’s crazy.”
One person wrote.
Another added that their gym charges $180 a month with no contract and simply doesn’t bill members when they let the coach know in advance they’ll be absent.
More than a few members of the community used the post as an opportunity to reflect on how fortunate they felt at their own gyms.
Others shared stories of coaches who prorated memberships during injuries, paused billing entirely or openly welcomed members back without penalty after time away.
Some took a more analytical view.
“When people say ‘it’s not about the money, it’s the principle,’ it’s always about the money. He mentions it two or three times before he says that.”
one commenter observed.
Another pointed out the business logic did not add up either:
“If you pause your membership and come back two months later, the business eventually gets your money. If you cancel and never come back, they get nothing.”
Kris has not publicly stated whether he plans to find a new gym, though based on the volume and tone of the responses he received, most of the community is encouraging him to do exactly that.
