A dating expert has kicked up a fuss by claiming there’s an epidemic of women having flings with jiu-jitsu instructors, reigniting conversations about the potential pitfalls of mixed-gender training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
The provocative claim comes in the wake of UFC veteran Jake Shields backing a viral tweet that questioned why some beginners bring their partners to mixed-gender classes, describing scenes where husbands are dominated by instructors while their wives train alongside other men.
The dating guru painted a vivid, if controversial, picture of the dynamics at play:
“You’re a couple. You go into the jiu-jitsu school and your wife watches you be completely infantilized and emasculated by some big buff Brazilian guy who ties you in knots and then makes you tap out several times.”
The situation, according to the expert, becomes even more complex when the wife trains with the same instructor.
“She’s now on the ground grunting with this good-looking, in-shape Brazilian man who just put her husband in a choke. I just don’t think people understand what that does evolutionarily,”
they argued, drawing attention to high-profile speculation around Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen, with claims that the former model left Brady for a Brazilian jiu-jitsu instructor.
While such scenarios make for sensational headlines, research tells a different story. Though many assume that up to 50% of personal trainers engage in flings with clients, available data suggests far lower rates. A survey cited by ukactive found that only about 11% of trainers had been intimate with a client. The majority of trainer–client relationships, it seems, remain strictly professional.
Shields himself acknowledged the nuance, noting that while BJJ is “invaluable for women,” he has personally fired coaches for crossing professional boundaries. He warned that even secure couples can struggle with the “intersex dynamics” inherent to the sport.
Critics argue that such claims risk perpetuating outdated notions and unfairly cast suspicion on professional instructors who maintain clear boundaries. They stress that physical contact in BJJ is technical, sport-specific, and not inherently intimate.
Supporters counter that discussing potential relationship dynamics openly benefits everyone in the gym. Most practitioners emphasize that professionalism, clear boundaries, and mutual respect form the foundation of a healthy training environment, regardless of gender.
