Former Atos female black belt Rose Miller appeared on the Jits and Giggles podcast to speak openly about abuse, power dynamics, and why the jiu jitsu community continues to struggle with protecting those who come forward.
Miller opened by acknowledging that her anger about these situations is not matched by surprise.
“This has been an issue wherever there’s a power dynamic of any kind for so long, so if it’s happening other places, of course it’s happening here,” she said. “Society in general, not just the jiu jitsu community, just kind of allows it.”
“We’ll condemn it in the abstract, but then when it comes down to a concrete situation it’s different because of maybe relationships that people have with the people involved.”
She spoke candidly about why communities protect abusers even when patterns are visible.
“People see that things are wrong and they condemn it generally, but when it comes down to making a choice it’s like, well, we don’t want to rock the boat. We don’t want to get rid of a good coach that might take us to the next level. We’d rather just turn a blind eye.”
Miller also shared from personal experience how survivors often doubt themselves.
“I started college when I was 16. One of my friend’s older brothers, who I trusted, r*ped me, and I tried to speak up to my friends about it and no one really believed me. He messaged me and said it’s really messed up that you told people I did that, and my response was, ‘You’re right, I’m sorry.'”
She reflected on how that response shaped her understanding of why survivors stay silent.
Miller noted, “It wasn’t until I heard another woman share her story that I was like, okay, so it doesn’t have to be a stranger in the alley. It doesn’t have to be all these scenarios that I think we work up in our head of like, okay, well, probably mine didn’t count.”
On why women don’t come forward sooner, Miller was direct.
“There’s a lot that women have to lose by saying something, and why put yourself through being shamed publicly, being doubted publicly. Most women don’t want to deal with that, and they’re shamed for it, whereas usually the abuser is kind of put on a pedestal. ‘He’s such a great guy, he would never do something like this.'”
She also addressed the legal gap that leaves many situations unresolved.
“Our legal system right now, I don’t think, successfully protects those who’ve been harmed. What’s the benchmark between a false accusation and a lack of evidence? I think anything that lacks evidence, people just tend to lump in with lying, and I don’t always think that’s the case.”
Miller pushed back on the idea that a person must wait for a situation to become illegal before taking personal action.
“You’re allowed to trust your instincts. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to wait for them to cross the barrier to say, ‘I’m going to create distance with this person.’ You’re uncomfortable enough to remove yourself from the situation before anything else happens.”
She also addressed coercion specifically.
“I’ve been in situations where I have been like, I don’t want this to go past a certain point, and then there’s persuasion. Even though it’s not what I want, it’s like, well, this must be the only way I can make this end.” She compared it to being robbed: “If someone gives up their wallet, that doesn’t mean they wanted them to have it.”
She concluded by saying, “I’m hopeful that more women are recognizing what’s not okay, what’s not normal. Trust your gut. Trust your instinct. It’s okay to create that distance. It’s okay to not appease.”
Miller, who is now a former Atos member, also publicly confirmed that she has stepped away from the team amid the ongoing controversy surrounding Atos and allegations raised by alexahersejj.
Sharing a statement on social media, Miller wrote:
“I have made the decision to step away from Atos Jiu Jitsu. I don’t have the words to express the heaviness and heart break I’ve been feeling. All I know is this is the only decision that reflects my values.”
Miller also emphasized her support for those affected, writing: “Values that I share with everyone who’s hurting right now.”
She also spoke about wanting to create a safer environment within the sport: “In a time where a lot feels uncertain and unstable I am here to provide stability & support. “And I will continue to dedicate myself to preserving the safety for women and all vulnerable populations on the mat.”
